Kindness - at first glance, it seems somewhat a fluffy virtue: 'World Kindness Day', Hallmark cards and self-help books come to mind. In a casual sense, kindness describes having a friendly nature (having ‘kind eyes’), being nice (saying ‘kind words’), or being thoughtful (doing ‘kind deeds’). However, biblical kindness runs much deeper than lending a stranger your umbrella on a rainy day.
What is kindness?
Associated with the Hebrew term chesed (e.g. Genesis 20:13, Joshua 2:12), meaning love or merciful loving kindness, and the Greek term chréstotés (Galatians 5:22, Titus 3:4) meaning goodness or excellence, biblical kindness has a broad meaning, and encompasses boundless benevolence, love and mercy.
In his podcast episode, ‘Kindness’, Tim Keller draws a distinction between acts that we define as ‘kind’ in the modern day with biblical kindness: it is not only deeds that characterise someone as kind, but the intentions behind them.[1]
Kind acts performed with the intention of indebting someone to yourself, or raising your sense of esteem are not truly kind. Rather, biblical kindness requires a sense of self-assurance and self-sacrifice, doing good acts, not to prove your own goodness, or achieve any personal motives, but purely out of love for another. It is, in a way, more extreme than our modern definition. And this all stems from the central reality of the gospel, in that God’s act of sending Christ to die on the cross is described as 'kindness', in Titus 3:4:
But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Saviour appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy
[HERE IS WHERE I THINK A COUPLE OF SENTENCES REFLECTING ON THE KINDNESS OF GOD IN SENDING JESUS COULD VERY HELPFULLY BOLSTER WHAT'S HERE ALREADY, AND WOULD MORE POWERFULLY GROUND ALL THAT FOLLOWS IN THE GOSPEL.]
What does kindness look like as musicians?
In our personal lives, kindness can seem more straightforward, although perhaps not easy. However, in a professional musical setting, kindness on the surface can potentially seem at odds with our professional needs, and therefore deliberate, intentional cultivation of countercultural, sacrificial kindness is needed in this sphere.
Kind words
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
In an industry that aims for perfection, our professional environment calls for a level of critique and quality-control. Our words and reviews reflect not only our opinions, but also our discernment as musicians. Kindness is still possible, however, and we ought to strive for it. Let's consider three potential situations:
1. Reviewing a concert with peers
When discussing someone else's performance, our words reflect our own technical understanding and musical tastes. However, a fine line must be drawn between a critique that is objective and one that degrades the player as a person. This can be a difficult line to tread, especially in an environment when a person’s value is so often tied to their technical ability. However, when we recognise a performer as a person, and not just as a musician, we can learn to separate the two. On the flip side, when a colleague does well, being whole-hearted with praise can be difficult when our own personal interests are at play. Jealousy or fear of being surpassed will both be factors if we do not surrender our own fears and insecurities. True kindness, then, requires as a baseline from which to start, finding one's own worth and security not in our performance, but in Christ alone.
2. Reviewing a colleague's behaviour in rehearsals
There will also be situations where we have to evaluate another’s professionalism. Again, what we say will reflect our own understanding of what this involves, and kindness does not mean we give unequivocally positive reviews. We do no favours to anyone if in giving someone an unjustly positive commendation, they end up being given a project for which they would not be suitable. If a colleague’s professionalism in a rehearsal or their suitability for a group is questionable, being honest about it to another may feel like a personal attack, yet it may in fact be the kind thing to say. In such cases, it is very important to draw a line between describing a colleague's behaviour and pinning it on their person. For example, the kind critique might involve honestly stating, ‘He can often be late/absent without notice for rehearsals’, as opposed to the unkind global statement that ‘He’s an unreliable person.’
3. Giving feedback to a person
Giving feedback to a peer can often be a tricky endeavour - again, how honest are we meant to be? Do we shield their feelings, or do we cut to the chase? Someone may ask for feedback because they need encouragement, especially if they are faced with a situation that is daunting such as an audition or competition. In these cases, a direct and uncompromising critique may not be what they are actually asking for, or what they need - the kind thing here may be simply to encourage them with the positives. In other contexts, some may genuinely be looking for aspects to improve on. In such situations, we give no help (and are not ultimately kind) if we are overly positive and glance over areas that could be improved with further work. A level of empathy and self-evaluation is required here - what are their needs and what are our motives? Are we critiquing to show our knowledge, or are we critiquing to benefit and help the other? Giving feedback with the aim of building someone up in the long-term is generally more helpful and can aid us as musicians as we think about our own personal growth.
Kind deeds
If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
1. Generosity in our time and energy
When we give our time and skills as musicians to others, are we wholeheartedly present? It is natural to pay more attention to gigs that could benefit our careers in the long-run. However, when we choose to give and volunteer in settings that give us little personal benefit, do we still devote care and professional pride to our playing? I am often guilty of showing up to a church worship practice with less energy or preparation than I would normally give a professional engagement. While we cannot function at 100% all the time, and we often have the skills to be able to get away with winging things, pressing the right keys at the right time is not the same as being wholeheartedly present. But such active presence is not only the right thing to do, it is also the kind thing to do.
2. Generosity in our knowledge
Generosity in knowledge, especially in a competitive industry where we are often compared to one another in skill, can be quite radical. It can be tempting to gate-keep knowledge to maintain a personal ‘edge’. However, sharing in this way is not only conducive to creating a much more productive environment that is mutually beneficial, it is also kind, and recognises that that knowledge didn't ultimately originate with us, but was a gift from God.
Kind eyes
How do we view our fellow musicians? In introductions, our identities are usually tied to our function (e.g. 'I am a pianist,' 'I am a violist' etc.) We take interest in each other as potential collaborators or competitors. While it is important to draw a distinction between our personal lives and our professional lives, there is a real danger of becoming overly utilitarian about our professional relationships. Trying to ‘be genuine’ or ‘real’ with others can seem self-defeating. However, it is good to remember that we are first and foremost people, who happen to have very good musical skills. When we build relationships with an interest in another’s person, beyond their skillset, we will naturally give more of ourselves, and build more wholesome and meaningful connections. Such a posture is one of kindness - that moves beyond utilitarianism to love and mercy, from potential benefit to real benevolence. Can you imagine how different and countercultural that could be, and therefore how positive a witness to our Saviour Jesus it could be?
'Be kind to yourself'
A word must be said on self-care that is often associated with kindness, epitomised in the slogan 'be kind to yourself'.
It is important and good to respect and care for our bodies and selves: work can be consuming, especially when it involves a passion. I love what I do, and so have often forgotten that I have a body that needs to eat, sleep and rest. As a freelancer, I decide my schedule and the demands placed on myself. If I choose to be unreasonable, there is no third party with the responsibility to intervene.
All that said, the modern attitude to self-care can leave much to be desired.
Treating myself to a Starbucks on the way to work or getting myself a massage are actions that will only get me so far: such attempts at self-care are often band-aids seeking to treat a much larger fundamental issue - that of where we find our identity:
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.
This is God’s ultimate kindness to us, and it shows that we are loved, not for what we achieve but simply because of our identity as children of God through Christ. Our value is fixed, and vast! God cares for us, including our bodies which He created and gave us. So, yes, we need to respect and care for what He has made, and know that it has innate value, but most fundamental of all to true biblical self-kindness, is simply knowing that our identity is secure - that in Christ, we are beloved children of God.
Conclusion
As Christ’s disciples, we are called to kindness (Luke 6:35, Ephesians 4:32), but if kindness involves not only our acts but our motives, cultivating kindness is much harder than simply fixing our behaviour. As lovely as a life embodying kindness seems, our intrinsic instincts, motives and outlooks are often far from lovely: ‘All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good (chréstotés), not a single one’ (Romans 3:12). The more we objectively evaluate our own nature and try to be kind, the further from kindness we can seem.
However, we are not expected to grow alone. Biblical kindness is a fruit - a supernatural mark of a heart changed by the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). The more we grow in our faith, the more we develop a likeness to Christ, with kindness being a core quality.
And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
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[1] https://gospelinlife.com/sermon/kindness-overcoming-self-pity/